It’s a Friday night and here I am, rambling. It’s been a while since I last updated my blog. I felt like there’s nothing for me to write about, but in reality, a lot (and I mean, a LOT) had already happened in the past months. Perhaps I could not just find the write words to express myself, as per usual. Writer’s block? Not really. Well, okay maybe.
To be completely honest, it makes me emotional every time I think about my blog being empty, outdated, and uninteresting. I miss writing so much. I know I’m not a good one, but I surely do enjoy it. It’s something that soothes me, calms me. With everything that has transpired, I’m just itching to tell my story. There are just so many things I wanna write about, feelings I wanna express, stories I wanna share, and experiences I wanna keep and document, no matter how uninteresting they may be. They’re all interesting for me, anyway. They’re my story. They’re a part of me. They’re mine. They’re me.
As much as I want to write, create content, and be creative, or at least try to be, I just could not find the time. Which is wrong, because I believe that one must always make time for the things they want to do. Which is very hypocritical of me. It’s always been something that I tell myself every freaking night when I try to write something; but every freaking night I just find myself tired and excited to sleep and get some rest.
Or maybe, I’m simply scared. I’m scared to put myself out there, frightened to be judged, afraid to take risks, terrified to fail. But shouldn’t all of it be felt at some point in our lives? Put yourself out there, but never listen to judgments (or at least to criticisms that aren’t meant to be constructive), take risks, and fail then eventually learn from your mistakes? Isn’t it the reality? Isn’t it the harsh truth of this mundane life? Right, okay, note to self.
This overwhelming feeling that creeps up on my mind, body, and soul makes it hard for me to loosen up. Like literally. I feel like a stiff, hard rock that can’t be moved and can’t be as light as, I don’t know, water, I guess? You know what I mean.
Anyway, as I’ve said, I’m rambling. Good night.
Love and light,